Got Intimacy?
“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 (NASB)
Years ago my husband decided to let his hair grow long. But he didn’t just let it grow long. He had a mullet! I personally have nothing against men with long hair, but in terms of starting my engine, a mullet doesn’t push the accelerator.
The longer his hair got, the more he liked it—and the more I disliked it. Worse yet, it was like he was in a special club. Other guys with long hair—total strangers—would single him out. As if they had a secret society. Suddenly he was in this special club, and he reveled in it. I recall one guy praising him and saying, “Hey! Fellow long hair!”
Someone, please help me. I hated the hair.
This long hair phase persisted for about seven months. All the while, I remained silent and held in my massive displeasure. He seemed to love it so much, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him I hated it.
I was in a quandary. I didn’t want him to withdraw his membership in the cool club, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to have sex with him either. Every time I hugged or kissed him, I got hair in my face. Every time I rolled over in bed, I fell into a swamp of hair. Conflicted, I kept telling myself that I could get over this feeling and work through it.
One day Mike asked me for one of my ponytail holders. If there was anything worse than a mullet plastered to the back of the head of the man I loved, it was sharing my ponytail holders with that thing. I didn’t see any solution in which “everyone” would be happy.
How could I say I was sincerely seeking God and at the same time not be faithful to my wedding vows? “Avoiding” my husband wasn’t exactly loving. And yet, another side of me chanted, “So what?! Just keep avoiding him. Who’s got time for that anyway?”
This internal struggle raged in my heart as my relationship with my husband and God suffered.
After a long struggle and a lot of prayer I decided I had to broach the subject of “intimacy” with my husband and his beloved mullet.
Barely making eye contact and tripping over my words I explained my dilemma to my husband.
He took it surprisingly well.
The next day he got a haircut! Bye-bye, mullet, bye-bye. Never to return.
Thank You, God!
When we don’t follow God’s instructions for our lives counterfeit alternatives to fulfill our longings for intimacy can emerge in the way of idols, the pursuit of material things, an overinflated sense of self, or a quest for accolades and importance. All lies from the enemy.
The concept of an active and flourishing sexual connection with your husband can seem indulgent and frivolous, and therefore sometimes not give it a high priority. And yet, when we allow this area of our lives to wane it affects our relationships.
Maybe you’re not married. But perhaps you’ve experienced inner struggles feeling like there was no favorable solution. It is at these times we need to be still before God and listen. If we seek God He will direct us. The closer you are to God, the better your love life will be.
God made us with deep longings and cravings for intimacy. When we feel loved, cherished, and filled, we will have more love to give. And the more love we give, the more we will feel loved.
A woman will feel most fulfilled when she loves fully and completely.
When we love others we can experience the intimacy God created for us. It all starts with our love for God and then love for one another.
The way we can get the intimacy we crave is by loving others. Loving others the way God instructs—sacrificially and fully.
Lord, Thank You that You are ever-present and available. Help me to seek You in all things. Heavenly Father, give me a heart that exemplifies love and surrender to your commands.
Want to spice up your marriage and get the intimacy you crave? Order The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes by Lucille Williams. Engaged? Check out her other book, From Me to We and start your marriage off right. Subscribe to LuSays for weekly encouragement.
