ROLLING WITH THE DONUTS WITH OUR KIDS

As parents, we tend to pass on to our kids things we hate about ourselves. How do we not pass down what we don’t want to pass down? Is it even possible? If so, how? That’s what I asked God, and myself, when I became a parent. And I had a lot of work ahead of me because I had many “issues” I didn’t want to pass on, one in particular—my unhealthy relationship with food.

Therapy was part of my healing journey, and more importantly, I handed my life and eating disorder over to God.

I’ve learned to accept myself and accept my wrestling with weight control and body image. However, remnants of the disease have lingered. I love food; I love being around food; I love looking at food; I love talking about food; and I love to watch people eat. Weird, I know. Watching a complete stranger eat a cream puff across the room is like entertainment for me.

After my daughter was born, I vowed I wouldn’t pass this dysfunction down to her. Passing on a healthy self-image can be almost impossible if we don’t possess it ourselves.

As my daughter grew, I wanted to stay focused on building her inside qualities and thought I’d be a “progressive mom” in giving her freedom.

When Monica was a toddler, I allowed her to eat as much as she wanted, figuring she’d naturally regulate herself. All seemed fine, and I was so proud of myself for being proactive with her eating and healthy self-image.

Then, during her three-year-old routine checkup, our doctor said these devastating words to me: “Monica is way too chubby. She needs to lose weight.” My heart skipped a beat. Oh no, I did it! I passed this terrible dysfunction on to my daughter. How could I do this?! I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.

When I got home, I got on my knees. “God, what do I do?” After praying and talking to my husband, we decided to put her on a plan without her knowing. We gave her healthy food options and didn’t allow her to gorge herself. The words diet and plan were never used.

Monica would yell and scream and throw fits when she didn’t get her way, such as when she was not allowed to have a second piece of cake or whatever else she wanted.

In the meantime, I did my best to model a balanced lifestyle. By Monica’s next doctor’s visit, she was a “healthy” size.

How do we deal with our kids while we are on our own healing journey? Explaining our struggles to our kids will help them not internalize or carry our struggles unnecessarily.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The afflictions of the righteous are many, but the Lord rescues him from them all.”

– Psalm 34:18-19 (NASB)

God wants us to break free from anything that hinders or binds us. If we recognize those things and hand them over to Him, He offers us freedom. God cares about our affliction and suffering (Isaiah 61:1–3).

He cares about every tear and every broken heart. Christ came to set us free.

Jesus came to set me free. Jesus came to set you free.

We can hand Him our burdens. If anything has a strong hold on us, we can give it to our gracious and loving Father, who is able to deliver us from all our afflictions.

Dear Lord, thank You for accepting me as I am. Help me to see myself and others the way You do. Help me to seek Your truth in all things and to offer others grace and love. In Jesus’s Name, Amen

For my fellow moms out there: Don’t be too hard on yourself—no one knows how to do this mom-thing perfectly, and even is we did, that wouldn’t be good for our kids.

Want more from Lucille Williams on this topic? Order a copy of “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace.” For marriage tips “From Me to We,” and “The Intimacy You Crave” can help you get the relationship you dream of.