Being Real In Your Marriage

I was previewing one of my podcasts.

As I listened I was making breakfast…

Cutting up veggies and piddling around in my kitchen.

My sweet husband was being playful and fun.

Mike joked with me… I shrugged.

Mike asked me if I wanted him to start the laundry load I had waiting on the floor… I answered him like I was confused at the question.

Mike was affectionate… I was cold.

Mike smiled… I gave him a weird look.

I looked around….

And Mike had found another room to be cheerful in.

Suddenly, I had an epiphany, “I’m being a real jerk.”

I realized I had a mess to clean up.

I hadn’t been very nice, but it had nothing to do with him.

Stopping what I was doing I approached him with an apology.

Was I upset with him? No, not at all, even though from his perspective he very well could have deduced that.

I was upset, but not with him.

I was upset with me.

Actually, I was in my own head beating myself up and he just intersected with my self-badgering.

I didn’t like my approach on the podcast I was previewing and was being hyper critical. I thought I sounded obnoxious and a bit brass.

And then, while I was “in my head” beating myself up, I was being rude to my husband.

Once I explained it to him, he totally understood.

It’s so easy to do this. We can get wrapped up with ourselves and come off rude and unloving.

When we are on the receiving end of rudeness, it’s hard to look at it and realize it has nothing to do with us. But somehow when this happens in our relationships the first question to ourselves needs to be—“Does this have anything to do with me?”

Communication.

We’ve all heard it said communication is key in any marriage.

But this type of communication is vulnerable and risky.

I had to say, “Mike, this had nothing to do with you. I’m sorry. I really didn’t like what I was hearing on the podcast. I seem harsh and loud.”

His words were soothing to hear…

“Honey, I thought you sounded great. You’re doing a great job, and the content was really interesting.”

Now I remember why it’s always better to talk with him instead of destructively “being in my own head.”

Funny, how we can be so critical of ourselves over the littlest thing.

It’s important to talk about our internal conflict with our spouse, and especially when it seems to be pouring out and on to them. If we don’t it could hurt our relationship.

Be brave and share your inner struggles with your husband or wife.

They will love you more for it.

Lucille Williams is the author of “From Me to We” and “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes”  order a copy today to enhance your marriage. Subscribe to LuSays.com for weekly encouragement.