When You Don’t Feel In Love

My husband and I were sitting on our front porch enjoying breakfast. Across the street was a couple walking their dog together. Calm. Beautiful morning. We sipped our coffee as we talked.

Then, suddenly the couple across the street started arguing. Did they see us across the street from them? Hadn’t they noticed we could see them? Apparently not, because they continued fighting with no notice of anything around them.

We heard, Check book! Blah blah blah.

Money! Blah blah blah.

No! I don’t want to! Blah blah blah.

Mike and I looked at each other not wanting to make any move which could bring attention to ourselves. The dog got in-between the couple, as if to say, Can’t we all just get along? As suddenly as it started the yelling stopped, and the dog walking couple continued on like nothing happened.

Not such a quiet breakfast after all. Mike looked over at me and said, “I’m glad there’re not our neighbors.” Ha!

When was the last time you had an argument with someone?

When was the last time you had an argument with your spouse?

When was the last time your feelings were hurt and the culprit was your one-and-only?

When was the last time you didn’t feel loved or appreciated?

We all have days where the love we once felt seems to have sailed away. Off into the sea we feel our love boat drifting with our changing emotions. We want that “Lovin’ Feelin’” back but don’t quite know how to get it. What do you do when you’ve lost that loving feeling?

And the Righteous Brothers sing…

You lost that lovin’ feelin’

Whoa, that lovin’ feelin’

You lost that lovin’ feelin’

Now it’s gone, gone, gone… woh

da-dum da-dum da-dum…

Anyone who’s been married for more than a minute knows we all have days where this jingle could be our theme song.

So, what are we to do when this jiggy-jingle creeps in?

We must fight against these negative feelings. Don’t let them take over. Our feelings can lie to us—I wrote an entire chapter on this very subject in “From Me to We” because it’s critically imperative to address—and we must first acknowledge this fact. Our feelings lie! Love is not always a feeling. Love is a commitment. Love is an action word. Love is a choice.

When those “love feelings” seem to have wandered we have a choice. We can abandon logic and wallow in… “Now it’s gone, gone, gone…”

Woe is me. My love is gone. *oh well, arms in the air emoji

If you really want to get back “that lovin’ feelin’” better to remember – “Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,” (1 Cor. 13:4-5).

And.

Stop.

Acknowledge that your emotions can lie to you.

And ask yourself this question:

What would I do if I felt madly in love?

Do whatever that madly in love action would do. Next, back it up with loving words.

Then, rinse and repeat.

Rinse and repeat, until your feelings catch up with your words and actions.

It won’t be long before you’re feeling wildly in love again.

Fondly,

Lu

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