Parenting Regret
When my daughter graduated from middle school the class traditionally went on a Disneyland trip. This was one of the highlights of the year for the kids, if not the absolute highlight. When the permission slip came home, I told Monica I would have to look into it before I granted my permission.
My first step was to talk to a friend who had two daughters who were older than Monica. I asked her about the trip and if she allowed her girls to go.
She said, “Oh no I did not. They have very little supervision, and it just isn’t safe.”
“Safe.”
That triggered something in my mom heart and fear consumed me. I began to have all sorts of thoughts about what could happen to my daughter. The more I thought about it the more fear consumed me.
I ended up telling my daughter she could not go on the field trip.
So many questions…
How could you do that?
Why didn’t you just go as a chaperon?
Why didn’t you ask someone else?
All valid questions…
I’m still asking myself “How could you do that?” and for some reason I couldn’t go along, and I may have asked another friend who probably agreed with my first friend’s advice, but I didn’t talk to the school, which I should have.
On the day of the field trip Monica had to go by the school to turn in a project, and as we drove up, we saw all the kids boarding the school buses on the way to Disneyland.
It was at that moment—that very moment—I realized what an idiot I was being and said to my daughter, “Honey, I am so sorry, I should have signed your permission slip. Go ask your teacher if it is too late.”
As my daughter got back in my car with tears in her eyes, she said, “It’s too late, Mom.”
I can still feel the pain and regret from that day TODAY.
What a stupid thing to do to my daughter. I allowed my own fears to rule me and make a really unwise and hurtful decision.
I did have a fun day planned for me and Monica, but nothing that matched going to Disneyland with her friends.
Years later for her 18th birthday I paid for her and a handful of friends to go to Disneyland together to try and make up for that horrible parenting decision.
And I’ve apologized to her over and over every time I am reminded of it. In fact, the last time she said, “Ma, you don’t need to keep apologizing for that. It’s okay. It was a long time ago and we’ve worked it out.”
One thing I’m sure of is that she will never do that to one of her kids.
Well, there you have it, one of my parenting regrets. And oh, I have so many.
What do we do with them?
We apologize.
We forgive ourselves.
We move on.
And if you’re me, we write about it.
Live in love and grace, my friend!
Want more from Lucille Williams on this topic? Order a copy of “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace.” For marriage tips “From Me to We,” and “The Intimacy You Crave” can help you get the relationship you dream of.
