3 Tips Dealing with Cancel Culture and Adult Kids

We are living in a cancel culture.

An adult child gets offended and they decide they will no longer talk to you.

An adult child thinks back on offenses from parents and decides to “take some space.”

An adult child doesn’t like advice given and they decide to remove you from their life.

I don’t understand this type of behavior when parents (most parents) love their children and want what’s good for them. Is there a parent who hasn’t made mistakes? No! No parent can say they never made mistakes as they raised their children. Parenting is one of the most difficult things anyone can do.

I’ve had this type of conversation with moms of adult children way too often…

We’ll be having a light interaction, small talk about family or vacations or even the weather, and they will start crying. Usually, it’s when I’ve asked about their children and they will tell me they haven’t spoken in a significant amount of time.

I desperately want to help but I know dumping on their vulnerable state would heap shame on their already delicate emotions. So, I’ll pray for them and offer a listening ear.

When our kids move out or get married or have their own children the connection we once had with them can change to an unfamiliar, bumpy, trying relationship.

What is one to do when an adult child seems to sway from family values and morals and the parent/child relationship we hold dear but they seem to dismiss? When our kids seemed to have “canceled us” it can be one of the most painful things we’ve ever experienced. If this is you, allow me to say I am so very sorry and whatever you are feeling is probably very normal under the circumstances. Here are 3 tips that can help…

3 Tips Dealing with Cancel Culture and Adult Kids

1.) Don’t take on the guilt this type of dismissal can bring. It is unfair to yourself to carry guilt for this. Adult people make their own decisions and we cannot control another adult person—even if they are our child. We as parents tend to take on the responsibility for our grown children. Once they leave our home it’s like passing the torch. They go from under our roof to their own roof. That adult child is now responsible for their own life and choices. And, of course, prayer is foremost and vital as always. “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people” (Ephesians 6:18). Connecting with others who are dealing with this same issue can help alleviate guilt feelings and also offer support.

2.) You can let your adult child know that you are ready to reconnect when they are ready. Letting them know you love them and want to have a relationship can form a bridge. Remind yourself that this could have nothing to do with you and that it can be all about them. In other words, they are dealing with something and it has nothing to do with you. I’ve personally known adult children who got caught up in unhealthy relationships, and once said relationship goes sour, they return to Mom and Dad quickly. Yes, the waiting in-between can be brutal but if this is their choice there’s not much you can do. Seek God as you wait. “Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always” (2 Chronicles 6:21).

3.) Work on you. It is never too late to make improvements on ourselves. The older I get the more I learn what I don’t know and what I can improve on. When I get honest with myself I can see not-so-good patterns I need to break and unhealthy thought cycles I need to rewire. As I age my goal is to be more emotionally healthy and more kind and loving as the years pass by. Jean, age 94, said, “Life is an education.” When we allow life to teach us and we continue growing—no matter what age—we get better with time. And as time passes we need to seize the day, carpe diem, enjoy life now. Strengthen the other relationships you have, love others and allow them to love you. Pray for your child but enjoy the blessings God has given for today. 

For more from Lucille Williams check out her books The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace, and for your marriage, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. And Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. We invite you to subscribe to LuSays today for regular encouragement.