Yes Tonight

For all you married folks out there, how often you do say, Not tonight? How often do you hear, Not tonight?

And if you’re not married, please share this post with someone who is.

“Not tonight” can feel like a right hook coming from the person you love most. The sting of rejection regarding something this intimate can’t be removed as easily as a bee sting. It can sometimes hurt for longer than we like to admit to ourselves or to our spouse.

This one statement has the potential to turn into a huge problem in marriage. It can masquerade as fights, deep despair, low self-esteem, and loss of joy. Make no mistake about it, lack of physical connection in a marriage can have long-term negative affects on the relationship.

None of us needs to be reminded of the high divorce rates. So, let’s not talk about that, okay?

Some of the most painful conversations I’ve ever had are with those who seek me out for advice because of “inactivity” in their marriage. The pain in their eyes reveals the deep despair in their heart.

Does anyone really have an answer for this?

I’ve heard:

“This is so painful that I don’t want to be married anymore.”

“There’s nothing worse than lying in bed next to someone who doesn’t want you.”

“I feel unloved.”

“I’m so angry.”

Unfortunately, anger usually does not get you any closer to some fun in the bedroom.

I am not going to try and pretend that there are simple answers or solutions if a lack of desire or lack of intimacy plague your marriage.

But I may have information that might help.

I read something recently by Shaunti Feldhahn, which I am excited to share with you. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author.

Shaunti writes:

“As you probably know, testosterone is the main hormone that makes someone want sex.  Well, it turns out, being regularly sexually stimulated (at least once a week) actually raises testosterone levels, while forgoing sex for a week or more will cause testosterone levels to drop… When you decide to regularly engage with your spouse in that way, your testosterone levels will likely rise and you will begin to want sex more.”

For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men


Could it be that the cure for a low libido is more rolls between the sheets?

Share this with your spouse and see if you can get a rhythm going. Maybe today can be the start of your “secret” world-renowned symphony. A symphony that plays in your head and creates a stronger more fulfilled marriage.

A night at the classical symphony concert

The more you do something, the more you’ll make it a habit.

Give it a try.

The only thing at stake is a better-healthier-happier marriage and a better-healthier-happier you. 

Go ahead, put a smile on your face.

Put a smile on the face of your spouse.

What do you have to lose?

“He has brought me into his banquet hall, and his banner over me is love,” (The Song of Solomon 2:4).



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