What I am about to share is common. It could be a number of ladies who have reached out to me for marriage advice over the years. On one particular occasion, I set up a time to talk and once on the phone I heard…
“I am so very frustrated with my husband. He doesn’t understand. Why won’t he…? He never… He works late too many nights. I want him to… He forgets to… He’s mean and belligerent and not sensitive to my needs at all. He never wants to do what I tell him to…” He says he can never make me happy.
Take a breath.
“Okay, take a moment and tell me something good about your husband.”
“He’s a good man. Oh, and he works hard and is a good provider.”
“Okay then, let’s start there.”
It saddens me that interaction like this is not uncommon. I get it, it is so much easier to think about the things our spouse does that we do not like. Name ten things that bug you about your spouse. Go…
The list adds up fast.
It’s easy to allow our minds to dwell on things we are miffed about. The answer is in training our minds to think on the good and admirable qualities about our spouse.
It starts with controlling our thoughts, and then, controlling our tongue.
It’s one thing to make a list in our heads, but once we start giving words to our “I hate this about him” list then the destructive force beating down our marriage goes to work deteriorating what God joined together.
And our joy disappears as well.
“He doesn’t understand.” Communication lands half on the person communicating.
“Why won’t he…?” Ask yourself: Why does it have to be my way?
“He never…” How many times do you correct him? How many times did you say “thank you” or praise even the least amount of effort?
“He works late.” Ummm, are you giving him a reason to want to come home earlier? When was the last time you greeted him with a big hug and a kiss and a few cheers even?
“He never helps with the kids.”
“He forgets to take out the trash.”
When was the last time you had a little “fun”—wink, wink—with him?
We find what we look for.
What’s that ONE thing?
Continual complaining about your spouse will destroy your marriage.
It will not only make you very unhappy and bitter, it will most likely leave you married to a gloomy, dejected, disheartened partner.
Look for what’s good in your mate. Think on it. Praise it. Talk about it. Make lists about their delightful qualities.
Giving words to displeasure is like feeding a beast you want to destroy.
“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”
-2 Cor. 10:5
Replace negative thoughts by finding one thing good to think on about your partner. Tell yourself you will refuse to say negative things about your beloved. No damaging words allowed. Choose words of praise. Your spouse will be happier and you will, too.
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