This One Thing Could Be Hurting Your Marriage

It was date night. I love date night. I love it when my husband gives all of his attention to me. What wife doesn’t like that, right? While on our date we were seated side-by-side in a booth at one of our favorite restaurants. Yes, we are one of those weird couples who sometimes sit next to each other instead of across.

Whoopee do.

About an hour into dinner Mike wanted to tell me about something he noticed…

At this point allow me to tell you that my husband possesses the ability to have vigilant awareness of his surroundings. It’s like he’s got a tracking radar sticking out of his head. Not me, I can have something right under my nose and miss it. One time, our neighbors moved, and my husband asked if I had seen any clues they were moving. I hadn’t seen ANYTHING at all. Then, a week later, we were looking through pictures I had taken of the kids—print pictures, this was way back before iPhones—and what do you know? there was a big moving truck as the background of my adorable kid pics. I can be clueless.

Anyway, Mike noticed something about the couple seated across the aisle from us, and he pointed it out to me.

“You see that lady talking?”


“Well, she hasn’t stopped talking the whole time we’ve been here. She barely even takes a breath.”

We both found this very amusing. I began to track with him.

This lady went on and on, non-stop. Non-stop talking. Talking and talking. The man with her—who by all clues, including rings, seemed to be her husband—looked as if he was being polite, but completely disengaged from whatever she was going on and on about. After the hour and a half mark passed, she was still stammering away.

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You’re with someone who barely takes a breath?

And all you can think about is S-I-L-E-N-C-E?

I think sometimes we out-talk another person’s listening abilities. And when that, “another person” is our spouse this over-talking can be hurting our marriage.

Hey, I know, I’ve done it.

But in my marriage when that happens all my husband has to do is ask for quiet. Yes, it really is that simple. Feel free to ask him. His email address is… on second thought, you’re gonna have to take my word for it, unless you happen to know him, and in that case, ask away.

Can you ask for quiet with your spouse?

Can your spouse ask you for some silence?

It’s an important tool for a healthy marriage. For without this tool, we can be inadvertently hurting our marriage. I’m all for healthy communication, just not OVER communication. Over communication can be hazardous to a marriage. Make a communiqué treaty with your spouse that you both can ask and receive a request for silence. Sometimes silence really is the best line of defense. Silence can serve as a barricade to keep harmful rubbish out of your marriage.

Silence can serve as a barricade to keep harmful rubbish out of your marriage.

Love your spouse with a little peace and quiet, now and then. I’ll bet they’ll thank you for it.

I know mine does.



Need help communicating in your marriage? Pick up a copy of Lucille Williams’ book, “From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom- to- Be” if you’re married or engaged you’ll get tools to last the life of your marriage. Need a fun and engaging speaker for your next event? Go to Lu’s CONTACT page



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