What Men Want
I was listening to two men talk. Neither of them knew I was listening in. It was during a marriage conference so there were many couples present and I listened to these two men talking, both of whom I had gotten the pleasure of getting to know. Both men were delightful with beautifully natured wives, and the one speaking was a dedicated first responder with a delightful and contagious generous kind demeanor. His wife adored him and it was evident she was very proud of him.
I heard him say these words…
“There are only 4 things that I need…
- Water,
- sex,
- sleep, and
- food.”
Then he continued… “No, actually, I only need 3…
- Water,
- sex,
- sleep…
I can go without food.”
I’m not sure what the other guy responded but they noticed my interest and welcomed my presence seeming to know my overhearing would not be taken offensively. I laughed and said something like, “Whoa, that’s interesting information” and they joined me in my laughter.
I would have loved to continue the conversation but thought it best to walk away.
As I thought about it my first thought was, “You would die without food!” But on the other hand, you wouldn’t die without sex. So really, you may think you need these all but really…? You know where I’m going here. However, I couldn’t diminish this comment and how strongly men may feel about such a thing. Most of us women—and I’m speaking in general terms—would put sex after water, food, sleep, hair dying, conversation, a trip to the mall, and emptying the dishwasher.
And here in lies our dilemma once married to the love of our lives. In a marriage there is often one of the two who has a stronger “desire” than the other. How does a couple rectify this? Yes, this person is more often the male in the union, but make no mistake about it, it could, and more than you might imagine, can be the female.
My feelings on this subject have all been outlined in my book, The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes, so I won’t belabor those points however…
But go without food?
We can get mad at this.
We can fight with them over their overperceived need.
Or we can accept this.
We can delight in our differences.
We can use our differences to deepen our relationship.
We can ask ourselves, “What is it that I want?”
One might think this is a selfish question but not asking the question is unfair to you and unfair to your special someone. No one wants to be with someone out of obligation or pressure.
We all desire to be wanted.
Love yourself enough to ask such a question.
Love and care for yourself and with the overflow share that love. If we are empty there is nothing to give. But if we take care of our needs answering the question of what pleases us, what brings joy, what can I do to fill my life with peace and fulfillment, and then perhaps we will find that we too would be more in line with a physical play time. Maybe?
Be the love of your life to yourself and in so doing pour out this wonderful human on your spouse.
God has given us one major full-time job in life and that is to take care of this human called you.
Proverbs 31:10 – “An excellent wife, who can find her? For her worth is far above jewels.”
Ecclesiastes 9:9 – “Enjoy life with your wife whom you love all the days of your futile life which He has given you under the sun, all the days of your futility; for this is your reward in life and in your work which you have labored under the sun.”
For more from Lucille Williams on marriage check out her books, From Me to We, and The Intimacy You Crave. Have kids? Order a copy of The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace or Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6. Subscribe to LuSays today for regular encouragement.
