The One: How Do You Know?
When I met my husband there were no sparks, no electricity, and definitely no urgency to pursue a relationship. And the feeling was mutual, on that we agreed. Even though neither of us had a huge interest in one another, he asked me on a date anyway. Even though I didn’t find him captivating, I said yes anyway.
And then something happened…
He called me to set up our date, and we talked for hours.
And then…
We went on our date, and we talked for hours.
And then…
We kept talking, until we fell in love.
And now…
It’s been over four decades, and we are still talking.
And…
Loving each other well.
Many times, we marry based on attraction and butterflies and that high that comes with new love. Love and infatuation feel closely related. I’ve told many young adults to marry someone who makes you laugh, because looks will fade. We all get old and wrinkly, but funny never fades. Funny will last forever. Funny lasts through the tough times. Funny lasts through the mortgages and the in-laws and the kids.
Don’t get me wrong attraction is important and necessary, but it’s not the end all be all of relationships; and not the end all be all of marriage. A happy marriage will take way more than sparks and fireworks to land on happily-ever-after.
The most successful marriages are those which never stop the conversation. They don’t stop seeing each other. They don’t stop engaging with each other. They don’t stop making space for each other.
Ongoing conversation. That’s the key to lasting successful relationships.
They keep talking. And learning. And growing. And connecting. And sharing life. They notice the small things. They stay curious. They celebrate the big things…and the small things. They listen.
When you meet “some-ONE” and you want to keep talking and learning and growing that very well may be the start of something great.
Many marriages become stale because conversation stops. Curiosity declines. Others become more interesting because we stop tending to our marriages. Other things become more important than cultivating our marriage. It’s easier to settle than to stay in the work of marriage.
But…
If we stay in the work of marriage and cultivate conversation, stay interested, and keep making space for the other—over time that’s where the magic happens. It’s in the everyday things where we keep showing up for the other and where we keep bringing our best selves to the relationship, that’s where God does His best work. That’s where God does beyond all that we can imagine. “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen” (Ephesians 3:20-21).
The ONE is one long conversation that lasts forever. A good and lasting marriage is one long conversation that never stops.
Thank you for visiting LuSays. Check out books by Lucille Williams: Know someone who’s getting married? From Me to We would make the perfect gift. Want to give someone some fun laughs and a boost in their intimacy department? The Intimacy You Crave is a fun gift. Know a mom who could use some encouragement? Order a copy of The Impossible Kid. And Turtle Finds His Talent for ages 2-6.
