Words Can Kill Your Marriage

It was a normal Saturday morning.

“Do you want to come with me when I get my hair cut?”

Why was my husband asking me to come along? Initially, I didn’t want to, I had “plans” for my morning. But instead of answering him I paused. And I’m glad I did.

“Then, after, I want to stop for coffee. Would you like to come along?”

Ohhhhhh, he was asking me on a date. I just needed to wait and listen for the invite.

A morning date with coffee involved? I was all in.

We ended up stopping for breakfast and for coffee. It was one of the best dates of my life. No joke! There was hand holding, kissing, laughing, and flirting involved. Okay, good for you, Lu, so you had a great date with your husband, I’m happy for you. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m on my way to a point here, stay with me…

My marriage has challenges, like anyone else’s. I love what my friend Osharye Hagood said at a conference, “Anyone who tells me their marriage is perfect, I reply with, ‘Okay, let’s deal with your lying problem.’”

As hubby and I walked hand in hand at the close of our “date” to our car, I thought back to years past when we were in real trouble. Not only was I in a dark place as a young twenty-something, but our marriage was in real trouble. I sought out a counselor for me because I needed help. During my two years in therapy, which I recommend for everyone, I never said negative things about my husband. Not ever. There were MANY things I could have said. I mean, isn’t this true for all of us? But I didn’t. I focused on me and what needed fixing in me. Even at a very young age I knew I needed to focus on what I could change and that was me. I knew I couldn’t change my husband, and all I had control over was me. As I became healthier, WE became healthier. [Please understand if you are in a relationship where you feel you are in danger, you need to tell someone. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about complaining for the sake of complaining or to shift blame.]


Negative words.

Even TRUE negative words have power.

If we are spouting off unkind choruses about our spouse, it injures our marriage. When a husband says offhanded comments about his wife, he’s damaging his marriage. When a wife criticizes, or mocks her husband, she’s putting her marriage in danger.

If we are to have God-honoring marriages, we need to be careful how we live.

“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

-Ephesians 5:15-16

If a husband loves his wife as Scripture commands, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28), his words will be uplifting and praiseworthy.

If a wife follows God’s directives, “She [a wife] does him [her husband] good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12), her words will reflect that.

Never underestimate the power words have. Check them at the gate of your mouth before you release them. Once they are floating around the enemy can use them as daggers to pierce your marriage.

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt…” (Colossians 3:6).

Let’s season all of our words, especially with regard to our spouse.



It’s never too late to work on your marriage, pick up a copy of “From Me to We” by Lucille Williams. It’s never too late to work on you—for life coaching contact Osharye Hagood at icoachlives.me. Interested in a conference for teen girls and those who love them? September 22nd The Gathering Conference Lu joins Rachel Closs and Sadie Robertson to inspire teens to live for Jesus Christ. 

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