“He hasn’t touched me in weeeeekkks!” she said with undeniable pain in her eyes, “I think he’s cheating.”
WHY? Why do women do this? Why is the first jump straight to infidelity anytime our man comes home late or has a libido dip?
I asked her, “Why do you feel this way?”
Very convinced of her diagnosis she continued on, “He’s been working a lot of hours, and our intimacy has been… well… stopped.”
“Have you talked with him about this?”
“NO!” shocked by the question, “how could I?”
“What’s been happening with his work?” I inquire.
“Oh, he’s been under a lot of stress with a new project his boss gave him.”
“Hmm,” I pause to collect my thoughts, “Stress huh? Do you think maybe he’s just overstressed?”
“But he’s been distant too.”
“Stress can do that too. I suggest you have a talk with him and ask what’s going on.”
When fear takes over we can become locked in our own destructive thoughts.
We play the worst scenario over and over in our heads until we convince ourselves we are right about our suspicions. We can do this with a lot of things not just with our spouse. We allow the fear of what we think may be true to prevent us from digging out the truth. As a result we live in the prison our minds have created.
Seek out the truth.
Have the tough conversation.
You can start with something like this:
“Honey, I appreciate how hard you’ve been working, and I am so thankful for our life together. I’ve noticed you’ve seemed very stressed and a bit distant. Have I done anything to cause this? I miss you and our “intimacy,” is everything okay with us? What can I do to help?”
Then give him time to talk. Just listen. Be graceful and understanding, trying to see things from his perspective.
Obviously, this conversation can go many different ways. But letting your fears fester and take up residence will destroy you and your relationship with your spouse.
Always be willing to have the tough conversations to get to the other side, and into grace, understanding, tenderness, and a deeper connection.
She finally had that talk with her husband. Turns out stress, and the pressures of life caused him to pull away and internalize his struggles. Talking helped him to open up and trust her more fully with his feelings.
Don’t be afraid to share your deepest and inmost thoughts with your spouse. If we don’t share who we really are, we can never really be truly loved for who we are. You chose them. Trust them.
In all you do display grace.
Until next time…
Show grace and be a Gracian!