Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It’s a commitment beyond what most expect. We go into marriage with kaleidoscopic dreams and fantasy hopes. Some think marriage is all unicorns and lollypops and fairy godmothers and clouds and pumpkin carriages. At some point reality hits and one is faced with the stark truth that marriage takes down and dirty work.
It’s an all too common story, you’ve heard it, too, a couple you know has called it quits. Done. No coming back. He’s done this… She’s done that… Neither willing to budge. Or maybe one says stay but the other says no, no way, I’m done. Everybody loses. Mostly the children. The innocent children who are powerless suffer the consequences of parents jumping for a “better life.” Better for who? Definitely not the kids.
And the true reality? After jumping, and then, jumping in again with another, at some point one will find themselves in the same place they once were. Do they jump again? Or do they stay? Some jump again. And then ask, Why does this keep happening to me?
What’s the common denominator?
If something keeps happening to us the common denominator is us. Until, we change what’s “broken” in us history will keep repeating. Many of the happiest couples are those who watched their marriage go from WE to WAR and like an atomic bomb—the marriage ends. As they do the heavy lifting of picking up the pieces and putting their life back together, going to work on looking inward—fixing themselves, they get another chance at love. Only this time, they change the way they do relationship.
They change ME.
They treat their new spouse in a completely new way. In a way that is other-centered. They finally had that aha! moment which gave them the secret sauce to a marriage that lasts. No one thinks when they say “I do” that a disaster awaits them. A union that will someday be so broken that one or both starry-eyed lovebirds will throw in the towel. If they did there would mostly likely be many less weddings.
Engaged couples are fun to watch. Life appears magical. They have found Mr. or Ms. Wonderful-Going-To-Make-Me-Happy-For-Life and the world stops just for them. They have no idea that life can go from WE to WAR.
What does one do when life goes from Happily-ever-after to War-of-the-Roses?
What does it take to keep the magic alive in marriage?
How does one cross the fifty – sixty – seventy-year finish line with cheers and bliss and joy? Loving more deeply as each year passes?
There’s a secret.
This is nothing new…
It’s called sacrifice. It’s called being willing to come in second. It’s called yielding. It’s called unconditional love. The secret is selflessness. Considering another before yourself. Continually looking at each situation from your beloveds point of view. Looking at yourself and asking, Where can I improve?
Let me ask you a question…
Would you want to be married to you?
Think about that. Would you?
Thinking of throwing in the marriage towel? Don’t. Stop. Go to work on changing you and becoming someone you’d want to be married to, and let God do the rest. Not happy? Want something to change? Change YOU. Yes, it’s a lot of work but it will be worth it. I did this in my own marriage and God did beyond all I could imagine. Beyond all of my hopes and dreams. Make your dreams happen. It’s your turn. Start with you.
Need to learn to go from ME to WE? Order a copy of Lucille Williams’ book today: “From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom- to- Be” because it’s never too late to work on your marriage.