My daughter was my first child. I can remember holding her for the first time. So much was unknown at that time. Could I really be a mother to her?
She was so beautiful. She was a little miracle, handed to me straight from God. Entrusted to me to raise and to love.
All at once, I had a new title. A new identity, if you will. I became Mom.
I was so scared. I was leaping into uncharted territory. All of it was a deep sea, unfamiliar. Fear overwhelmed me.
Yet love consumed me, a kind of love I had never before experienced. All mothers understand this kind of love. It goes beyond words.
As suddenly as she was handed to me, she suddenly is now leaving. This was not unexpected. After many years of tears, joy, adventure, discovery, love and sleepless nights—of illness, angst, communicating and prayers—all of that time has seemed to whiz by leaving only memories.
But my sadness turns to joy as I relish in the delight of gaining another son. A son for which I prayed many years. In him, God delivered beyond all I asked for or expected.
At this time, the blessings overflow for me, and yet there still is an underlying sadness. It is bittersweet. On one hand, I feel happy beyond measure. At the same time, indescribable sorrow.
Letting go can be so painful, even when letting go means getting everything for which you ever prayed.
The one thing we can always count on is change. I am about to face one of the biggest changes I’ve ever had to conquer. Watching my daughter pack up her room, pack up her childhood, pack up her life, I cannot help but worry. Did I pack her “luggage” with all she will need? Was I faithful as the mom God trusted me to be?
She was handed to me as a gift from God and now we are handing her off. Could it be that on the other side of this hurdle is a better life? Certainly it will be for my daughter, I’m counting on that. And I suppose after the initial shock and awe is over, and the dust clears in her empty room, God will bring new light and carry me through this sudden fear of the future just like He carried me through the fear and insecurity about being a mom.
My daughter will be married soon and my life will change forever, but not as much as it changed the day I first held her in my arms. Emerging through the tears and sadness, thankfulness shines bright for the blessing of having raised a daughter. One of whom I am very proud.
“Her children rise up and bless her,” Proverbs 31:28 says. Yes, I am blessed.