Relationships. If you’re married, and you don’t have any conflict, I’m guessing you don’t have much passion either. We love our spouse but when we want something, and they want something else, it can be a recipe for conflict. Conflict resolution, and healthy communication will either strengthen your marriage or damage it.
Which would you prefer?
My husband and I workout together in the mornings. He has a process he goes through.
He gets up—fired up—every morning, hits the kitchen running with a storm of activity. He preps our gym (the garage), takes his energy drink, makes my lemon water and is rearing to go.
I, on the other hand, wake up chanting, “Do I really have to get up?” I’d rather reach for my Bible than jump out of bed.
But we’re on a schedule! And hubby is racing to workout.
I drag myself out of bed, put on my gym clothes, and head for the garage. I may even throw a few dirty looks—I mean endearing looks—at my cheerful husband along the way to my exercise destiny.
As you can imagine these mornings can be a recipe for potential explosions. Once we get going, I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH and be done!
“Can we fast forward any of this?”
He’s taking every move as serious as can be, changing weights, writing things down as instructed, and stopping the DVD. I feel frustrated every time he pauses our workout, knowing this adds time and puts me further away from eating breakfast.
Then, one day it happened.
Our exercise paradise turned into a marital explosion.
I think I started it—okay, I know I started it—by saying things I wish I could take back, which I’m not going to share to save some of my dignity. But what I am going to share is the point of this article. He ended it by sharing how he was feeling.
Marital bliss back on track.
Once I understood his feelings, I did an about-face and was all-in with tackling our workouts together, and in a manner he needed.
Here’s my message for the men:
When she doesn’t seem to understand your perspective or outlook on things, open up and share how you are feeling. We women—most women—are all about feelings.
We understand feelings.
We share our feelings.
We listen to each other.
We express empathy.
Men, we women can relate to you when you become vulnerable with us and share emotions.
When women get together we naturally share what we are feeling–and express sympathy and understanding for one another.
Now men, I’m not suggesting you be like women—NO, not at all. Please don’t.
What I am saying is this:
If you seem to be at an impasse with her, and she doesn’t seem to understand what you need or want from her, go out on a limb and share how you’re feeling. Viola! Now you’re talking her language, and she’ll get it. She gets it loud and clear. Not only will she get it, she’ll be your champion in helping you to get what you need and want.
It’s quite simple really:
“I feel [fill in the blank], and I need you to [fill in the blank].” When I hear those words from my husband I’m ready to go and eager to assist him in any way I can.
Try it and let us know how it works.
You want her to be your chief advocate?
Talk about your feelings, and you’ll have her in your corner and ready to fight anything that gets in the way.
Until next time, love each other.