I tried not to cry. I really did. It felt as though someone was washing my eyes out, but instead of a solution it was my tears flowing uncontrollably. The tears dripped down my face and on to my grandson who was only a few weeks old. I’d be leaving the following morning after visiting for three weeks—yes, I said three weeks, he’s my first grand-baby!—headed back to California.
I love California.
[As I write this I am sitting on a plane headed home. The guy in the window seat is chomping on an apple. It sounds like a horse—I’m not kidding. I’m writing about serious stuff and this is so distracting. Oh wait. He’s finished. Goood!]
Did I mention I love California?
[Oh no, he’s got another apple! Sigh.]
My new grandson would not be living in California and now my home didn’t feel completely like… well… home.
[The lady in the middle seat arrived. She’s got her shoes off with her legs spread and her bare feet on either side of the seat in front of her. I won’t mention she’s clutching her bright-deep-blue purse as if there were a purse bandit on board and she’s guarding it with anticipation.]
Clutching–I mean holding–my grandson and thinking about leaving to return home, my tears poured out. I dried the wet of my tears off of the baby’s head.
Luke 7:38 came alive for me for the first time, “weeping, she began to wet His [Jesus] feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet…” Such love. Such devotion.
It brought me back to my wedding day when water streamed from my eyes without a shut off valve, no matter how hard I tried. I could hardly say my vows. And now almost 35 years later, I was feeling the same way, unable to turn off the river of tears.
But I tried to turn it off, I really did.
Having my nightly talk with God after laying my head on my pillow, I questioned, “God, how can I do this? How can I say goodbye to my new grandson? I don’t think I can.”
Then God whispered, “Don’t you trust me?”
“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
“You can trust Me through this as well.”
God always gives good and perfect gifts (James 1:17), just like my perfect grandson. God always provides what I need. He would provide again. I can trust that God’s plan is better than my own, and He will make all things perfect in His time.
This may be painful—more painful than I had ever imagined—but I can trust God will see me through. And there are blessings waiting.
How about you?
Are you missing someone today?
Are you going through a difficult season?
Are you questioning what looks like God’s plan, but it differs from your own?
Hear this today: God loves you. God wants good for you.
God always has a plan, even when it may not make sense to us. He has a plan.
As I stuffed tissues into my purse, preparing for my eminent doom of saying goodbye to my beautiful family, I now knew why grandmothers always have tissues.
[As I walked off the plane, my feet hitting L.A. soil again—okay it wasn’t soil, it was the airport—an uncontrollable smile came across my face as I walked through a sea of faces and weary travelers. Did I mention I love California? I rushed to where my husband was eagerly waiting. When I got close I literally ran—throwing my bags to the ground—and into his arms.]
One of God’s perfect gifts is the love of the man I get to call husband.
[Random thought: it should be a rule that you have to shower before you can board a plane.]