Do you like your son’s girlfriend? Do you like your son’s fiancé? wife? Girlfriends come and go but a wife, now that is a different story. A wife is permanent—at least we sure hope so. Our sons can go in and out of relationships but when they make that final choice, that final oh so important choice, it will tremendously affect him and your family for the rest of your life.
I know moms who have lamented over their son’s choice and live in a perpetual state of remorse over the apparent loss of their little boy. I recently attended a wedding in which the mother of the groom was crying because of the “loss” they were feeling.
My son has made that final choice and we couldn’t be more pleased. Not sure if I am more proud of him for his discernment in choosing so wisely or if I am more overjoyed to have such a wonderful “daughter-to- be.” Yes, daughter-to-be, I don’t like the term daughter-in-law. To me in-law sounds like a court case in the old west.
I happen to be visiting them right now—they live in Texas—and as I have watched her support and love him, it fills my heart with an overabundance of joy. Yes, as moms we need to let go and release them to be men. This process has not been that difficult for me because I want him to be happy and as I pull away in terms of “mothering” I know that is what is best for him.
No mother wants to pull away from mothering. It is what we moms are supposed to do, right? But when our boys turn into men, we need to back away and enjoy the men they have become and embrace and enjoy them, no matter how many times they make decisions that we do not agree with.
What can a mom do to help ensure that our boys make good choices in terms of marriage?
First, I would say teach them while they are young. I can recall opening the Bible and going over Proverbs 31 with my son, teaching him about wives and good choices. I think he was in elementary school.
Second, and I believe even more important, model being a loving wife for them. What they watch will have a much greater effect on them than anything we say.
As a wife I did my best to model respect, love, and support. Was I perfect? No, but it was something I would strive for everyday.