Do You Like Your Son’s Girlfriend?
Do you like your son’s girlfriend? Do you like your son’s fiancé? wife? Girlfriends come and go but a wife, now that is a different story. A wife is permanent—at least we sure hope so. Our sons can go in and out of relationships but when they make that final choice, that final oh so important choice, it will tremendously affect him and your family for the rest of your life.
I know moms who have lamented over their son’s choice and live in a perpetual state of remorse over the apparent loss of their little boy. I recently attended a wedding in which the mother of the groom was crying because of the “loss” they were feeling.
My son has made that final choice and we couldn’t be more pleased. Not sure if I am more proud of him for his discernment in choosing so wisely or if I am more overjoyed to have such a wonderful “daughter-to- be.” Yes, daughter-to-be, I don’t like the term daughter-in-law. To me in-law sounds like a court case in the old west.
I happen to be visiting them right now—they live in Texas—and as I have watched her support and love him, it fills my heart with an overabundance of joy. Yes, as moms we need to let go and release them to be men. This process has not been that difficult for me because I want him to be happy and as I pull away in terms of “mothering” I know that is what is best for him.
No mother wants to pull away from mothering. It is what we moms are supposed to do, right? But when our boys turn into men, we need to back away and enjoy the men they have become and embrace and enjoy them, no matter how many times they make decisions that we do not agree with.
What can a mom do to help ensure that our boys make good choices in terms of marriage?
First, I would say teach them while they are young. I can recall opening the Bible and going over Proverbs 31 with my son, teaching him about wives and good choices. I think he was in elementary school.
Second, and I believe even more important, model being a loving wife for them. What they watch will have a much greater effect on them than anything we say.
As a wife I did my best to model respect, love, and support. Was I perfect? No, but it was something I would strive for everyday.
I leave you with one final thought: Are you modeling the kind of wife that you want your son to marry?
Wow…this story touched my heart. My son Lorenzo is only 9 and I already worry of the woman he will choose as his wife. Our passion is marriage as we want to show Lorenzo what God intends marriage to be. 1Corinthians 13:4-7…this verse is engrave in my head. When you grow up in a broken home, you want to brake that pattern…I made that decision. To work hard at being the mother God wants me to be and the wife God wants me to be. This is the same for my husband to be the father and husband God intends for him to be. I only hope that Lorenzo sees this and is able to choose wise. I have also realized that he might not when the time comes for him to date but I pray always for him that he seeks God when it is his time to choose and that he always seeks God’s guidance. Always love your posts. Thank you my friend 😀
Grace…It sounds to me like you are doing a great job. The mere fact that you are thinking of these things when your son is only 9 is a great example of that. Thank you for your comment, your loving heart shines through with every word.
Darling picture. And if anyone can give tips on how to impart wisdom to our children in selecting their lifetime spouse, it is you! But at the same time, I feel like saying hmpfh, argghhh, wahhhh, because somehow I really never imagined the moment when my kids would grow up. I lived in a constant state of denial thinking that they would live with us forever. All the questions come to mind, did I do enough, did I model a loving wife to my husband and the answers keep coming up “no”. That is the frustrating part, sometimes I live in a perpetual state of regret. Thankfully, my daughters grew up in a children’s ministry with you and your husband at the helm, then Chris and Rebecca in Middle School and Dusty and Amy in High School. Great godly men and women and blessed marriages. I serve a very good God. He is always standing by with a safety net and I am deeply thankful.
Carla…Thank you so much for this comment! It blessed my heart! I too had a difficult time thinking of my children leaving and moving on, and always thought that they would all live close to us. Carla, I know your girls and they are wonderful! It is clear that you did an amazing job with them. I remember when they were younger and how you always did fun stuff with them. I remember how you did VBS with them. I remember you going to camp with them. I remember you consoling them when they cried. You were a fantastic mother and the kind of mom that every girl wants. And as far as your husband, he is a great man, and I know it is largely because he has you for his wife. Over the years I have heard him repeatly speak so highly of you.