Disposable Marriages

Marriages have become disposable. People get married with the attitude of “if it doesn’t work out, then I can just get divorced.”

Confession time: I was one of those people. When I got married I openly verbalized that “if it doesn’t work out, then I can just get divorced.” Yes, I really said that! And what’s worse, I said it to my dad who was paying for the wedding! Ha!

Explanation time: I was 18 years old and I was not a Christian.

Flash forward 30 years later and I am still married. Disposable marriage? I don’t think so. I am ready to go another 30 years. Somewhere along the line I learned selflessness. That’s right, the ability to put your wants and needs aside for the wants and needs of the other person. Somehow I learned that if I could put my needs aside I would find joy in my marriage. Funny how that happens, huh?

It is the “reap what you sow” principle. The more work and attention you put into your marriage the better it gets. And more importantly, the more joy you feel. Any time you see a happy couple, you are looking at a couple who works at their marriage. It doesn’t just happen, it’s intentional and it’s work—a lot of work—a lot of hard work.

I was miserable in my marriage when it was all about “me.” But when I became a Christian and I learned to give up self, that’s when my marriage began to get better and better.

I think that is the key—the willingness to put the other person first—to a happy marriage.

What does this look like?

  • You honor and respect them all day and every day
  • If something is important to them you make it important to you
  • You keep them a priority, and yes, even above the kids (almost nothing is more damaging than a child-centered home)
  • Be mindful that “it is not all about you!
  • Make your bedroom the “funnest” room in the house
  • Consider them in your decisions
  • Get used to saying, “I love you” and “I am sorry, forgive me”
  • Forgive, forgive, forgive…marriage is the forgiveness ministry
  • Spend time with God everyday and pray for them everyday, for it is through God that you will receive the ability to think of them before yourself

It’s time we dispose of disposable marriages. Anyone agree with me?

17 thoughts on “Disposable Marriages

  1. I love this posting. You are right about making sure the all about “me” becomes “us”. That is when I saw a turn for a very happy marriage in my life. I made a decision at some point of my marriage life that I wanted to be in a happy marriage and that didn’t mean ” it’s all about me” but all about my spouse. My favorite verse for marriage is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. We can make a change in this world and not become part of the statistics. I grew up in a broken marriage and every time I turned around I saw more broken marriages, I wanted to stop that pattern with God’s help. We have been married almost 20 years and I love my husband more and more each day. Thank you again for being an inspiration to many 🙂

  2. Great information, Lu. Even tho I’ve not been married, I do see that “divorce” mentality/attitude in friends and family. My EX-sister-in-law definitely had that in mind when she married my brother! I think I’ll pass this info on to her daughter (my niece) who’s getting married on Saturday. She’ll be 28 years old in Oct., never married, but comes from a family where many have been married multiple times (I believe her maternal grandmother is working on her 5th or 6th!) I do believe there are some cases where divorce is necessary, but I think when you go into a marriage with that idea, you don’t always try.

    1. Leslie…I wrote a letter to my son & my daughter to be when they got engaged about marriage…I think I may post that at some point. Maybe?

      1. I would love to read and possible share that letter, if it is okay between you and your daughter in law

  3. I completely agree! There are way too many disposable marriages. My husband and I are trying to teach our daughter about the work that needs to be put into a lasting marriage by showing and talking about it. We’re by no means perfect but perhaps by talking about it and following what God wants for us then she might have a better start for her long lasting marriage. 🙂

    1. Good for you for talking with your daughter. We can’t be perfect but we can share what we learn with our kids. Barbie, thanks for your comment!

  4. I so agree that many people enter into marriage with the attitude of “If it don’t work out I can get out.” I also feel alot of couples enter into marriage like it is going to be a partnership. It is not a partnership, it is a Sole-Proprietorship. God put us together as one person, and you can’t have a partnership with one person. Everything I do, affects my wife. Everything my wife does affects me.

    Like you said if we do forgive the mistakes our spouse makes, and put their feelings ahead of our own, our marriages would all be perfect.

  5. I so agree with the bedroom being the funniest place in the house. My husband allows me to video tape him when he falls asleep then I get to wake him up and record him being startled. It is hilarious!!! We then get to watch the video together and we laugh uncontrollably! I know it sound weird, but it is so much fun!
    My husband has yet to surrender his life to Christ, but I don’t worry one bit about this, instead I pray a lot for him and with him. He loves that I love Jesus, and attends church with me every Sunday and holds my hand in church because he knows it is important he is by my side. Being unequally yoked in marriage is very common, but this is not a reason to feel down, just remember to pray and show your husband the LOVE of Christ and the Power and mercy of the Holy Spirit will bring him to salvation one day. <3

    1. Sandy, I meant to write “funnest” but funniest would definitely come under that category as well. My daughter said, “I guess they tell a lot of jokes in their bedroom.” Haha, but yes, actually we do tell a lot of jokes.
      As far as your husband I can tell that you are the kind of wife that points her husband to Christ. Keep it up!

  6. Lu and Sandy too, When I got married I was not a Christian. God started speaking to my heart and with time and a lot of searching, God and I finally became friends and I gave my life to Him in 1994. My husband is not a Christian, he is taking babysteps, but there are things I just don’t know, ways to help him. I do need to pray more specifically for him, and a LOT more often. He has such amazing christ-like abilities, in my heart I feel like God has great plans for him, so I keep telling myself “God’s timing, not mine” but the strain on our marriage is evident too.

    Thank you Lu for this blog, so much good information.

    1. Lesli…Sandy can probably speak on this from experience, however I have talked with many women who are married to men who have not made decisions for Christ. I do know of one couple where he became a Christian in their “golden” years and they are the cutest couple.
      I would say be the best wife you can be and that will show him how God is working through you. As wives I think we all have the same calling–to be the best wife we can be–but for you my dear sister it has more significance and it is definitely a harder calling.
      You have a beautiful heart and I know that you are already doing that with your husband. Love him, go to church on a regular basis and grow yourself. You will see God work!

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