Different. Better. Or Worse?

This is what the bed looks like when my husband makes it:


This is what the bed looks like when I make it:


See the difference?

This stands as a huge hint into our differing temperaments. My husband and I are drastically different.

He’s an introvert. I am more of an extrovert. People charge me up but they drain him. He’s a pastor and interacts with people all day in a way you’d never know he’s an introvert, but when he gets home he’s often on empty and I’m rearing to go.

I’ll want to socialize when he wants to be alone.

We approach life from two completely opposite ends.

He loves to go shopping. I tolerate it.

He dislikes vegetables. I’m a vegetarian.

He follows rules. I like to break them.

He is extremely organized. I can’t even keep my thoughts straight.

He has OCD. I have ADD.

As you can imagine life gets difficult at times. “Passionate” words can fly like a game of angry birds.

But don’t miss this. Hear the magic moment. Really listen.

We completely accept each other exactly as we are. Even while not socializing and on a shopping spree, eating vegetables and breaking rules we accept what is and don’t try to change each other.

He never says a word to me when he comes home and the bed looks like this…


Or this…


When I forget to do the laundry because I got sidetracked breaking rules and “trying” to make the bed, he does it.

When he comes home after a long day and wants down time, I stay home with him and try not to talk.

Each of us has a distinctive lens through which we view the world. We use our unique idiosyncrasies to sharpen each other. We pull from the others strengths instead of seeing the other as a project to mold.

“A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” ~Ecclesiastes 4:12

When we put God in the center of our marriages they are not easily broken.

Broken. That’s a word which describes many marriages today. Maybe if we accept each other’s differences with flaws and all, we would be a little less broken. Maybe?

Maybe if when our spouse forgets to pick up the milk or do the laundry we didn’t get upset with them or take it personally?

Maybe if when they don’t feel like talking or socializing we didn’t have a negative reaction?

What if when they complete a task, and it doesn’t meet our expectations we said nothing?

What if we said goodbye to expectations and accepted our spouse exactly as they are today?

What if we celebrated our differences and embraced unmet expectations?

What if we started each day with zero expectations and were thankful for every gester of love and kindness?

What if….?

I wish I could change and be less forgetful and more focused and more like my husband, but I can’t. I can only be me. And he accepts me unconditionally as flawed, sometimes temperamental, overly emotional, broken, often obsessive but always loved.

Oftentimes to enrich our life all we need to do is make a few tweaks and reframe our situation.

Welcome different perspectives, opposite traits, diverse temperaments and shell out grace like it was candy.

See what that does to your relationship.

4 thoughts on “Different. Better. Or Worse?

  1. Loved this Lucille. I thought you were describing my husband and I. Ha! We are opposites just like you and your husband. The marriage only works with the “third” strand being God. My husband and I are going to be celebrating 12 yrs being married next month and I am so thankful to God that he blessed me with a husband that loves me just because I am me; with my quirks and all. I am also thankful that my husband does have a different perspective to enrich my life.
    Thanks Lucille for the encouragement and different perspective that enriches all who read your blog!

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