I am experiencing a graduation. Not just any graduation. We are celebrating a high school graduation for my youngest child. Which makes it different than any other graduation, because I too am being plummeted into a new season of life.
It is the death of my parenting years. The death of making every decision based upon what is best for my kids. The death of driving kids around, homework, school performances, being able to say, “Go to your room.”
I get to wake up and say, “What do I want to spend my time doing today?” It was such a long time ago when I was able to ask myself that question, and frankly, it is quite scary.
I want to make an impact. I want to make my life matter. I want to leave this world a better place because God chose to give me life. And for so many years the best way to do that was to raise my kids. I knew my three children would and could accomplish more for God than I ever could, and with that realization I devoted my life to being a mom.
But now what?
I’m done. I’ve raised them. Yes, I love what I see. I am proud of all three and the people they are today. I’m excited to see all they will do for God now and in the future. They are simply amazing. They surpass me.
Now, I feel as if I’ve been demoted.
What’s next? Is there anything more important than raising your kids? If there is, I certainly can’t think of it. It was not only a good choice to completely dive into raising them, it was actually the best choice. A choice I would make a thousand times over.
The choice to drive them to school and to be the one to pick them up at the end of the day. The choice to play with them at their level every day when they were young children, remembering times we splashed about in a our kiddy pool. The choice to do nightly devotions with them and have faith conversations during the day. The choice to allow consequences to shape and teach them even when they hurt me more than the consequences hurt them. The choice to make every decision based upon what was best for my family.
Yes, I’ve been demoted. Nothing can surpass the impact of raising kids. I should be celebrating, but honestly I am grieving.
Am I experiencing a loss to be grieved? According to my wise and loving husband I have an improper view of my current, world ranking. He believes I’ve been promoted not demoted. Pointing out that I still get to have input into my kids lives because of the mom I chose to be. He said, “They still call you for advice. They want to spend time with you and have you share life with them. What they are doing now has greater consequences, and therefore, you have greater impact and you get to be a part of all that. You haven’t been demoted you’ve been promoted.”
Hmmm…I guess he’s right. Again. On some level I guess I have been promoted…sort of. But for now, it feels like a demotion and I think I will wallow in that for a while as I wait for my next assignment from the King.
Thank you God, for giving me the best three human beings to raise for You and Your glory. And I will choose to be thankful as I wait for my next marching orders.